i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
