look no pants
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize