she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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