how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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