I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
