bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
