You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
