I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
