Four minutes until I can fart!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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