you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
