there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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