Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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