She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
