I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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