Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
