her vagine was all disorganized.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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