His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
