why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
