i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
