I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
