my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize