I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
