I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
