Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
