You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
