I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
