I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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