Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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