i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I could make wine with my vomit
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I licked your asshole in confidence.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
