god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
