One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
