and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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