i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
