he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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