Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
