So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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