Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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