I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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