Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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