So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
