Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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