on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize