I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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