I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
