dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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