ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize