If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
