Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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