The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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