OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
