I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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