I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
