somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
