I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Randomize
