I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
