I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
