I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
