I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
