He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
