Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
