he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
