DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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