So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
