im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
