my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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