omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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