he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
