ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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