i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
