you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
