If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
