Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
