Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
