omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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